Hey teacher, my dad won't do any more homework

I have never been so tired of the homework, and I am done with it. Not homework I assign (you know I don't), and not even the mindless drivel that my colleagues assign. It's the piles of homework my kids bring home that I have to help them with do that I'm sick of.

Today, it was perimeter in math, which I haven't done in about 38 years. Then, it was geography. "Which continent is west of New Zealand?" Seriously? First, where the hell is New Zealand, and why do I need to know what is west of it? Next, it was a 5-minute test on 100 math problems, which I'm supposed to grade for my 8-year-old. (Now, I get that I'm a teacher, but I'm not her teacher, for crying out loud.) I'm considering contacting her school and asking to be added to the payroll.

I'm fed up, and I'm not doing any more of this ridiculous, useless homework.

I told my kids to tell their teachers that the dog ate it. I'm even going to write a note verifying it.